Learning how to empower myself and others

I travelled all the way from Ireland, kick starting my journey by completing the two-week wilderness mentor guide program. As a recent university graduate and not having a clue what direction I wanted to take in life, I came with the generic intention to work with horses and connect with nature. Before coming, I hadn’t yet been exposed to the unique philosophy here. Safe to say I had no idea what I had signed myself up for.

When I first arrived, I was unconscious of the role I was playing. A “people pleaser” you could call me. This became evident in my first few days of training. After an action-packed morning, everybody sat down for lunch, and I was busy running around for all the other students. I was getting coffee pots and condiments, and once everyone was done eating, I was clearing people’s plates.

It wasn’t long before one of the community partners stopped me in my tracks and explained to me that this wasn’t the way things were done here. He explained that here everybody gets involved in all tasks. He explained that not only do I have better things to be doing with my time, when I do these things for others – they are robbed of their opportunity to be self sufficient and feel empowered for being so. Highlighting the importance, whether we are at the dinner table now or in the bush on a pack trip, that my guests and partners are capable, self reliant and independent. This shook me initially. Honestly, I was embarrassed as I was blissfully unaware that I was even doing it. Heck, at home it was encouraged. Why was it different here?

I went back to my tent, and I sat on this feeling. My ego wanted to protect itself – and reject what had just been said. ‘I was just being helpful’ I thought. My stomach was pulling at me. In that moment I decided to take a breath, quieten my mind and consider the message behind the situation that had just happened. I opened my awareness to receiving the answer.

Moments of my childhood came to the surface, and I reflected on how I grew up in an environment where a lot was done for me. Particularly when I would feel challenged, my parents would swoop in and help me. While on the surface, this was helpful – What did I learn from this? Deep down I learned that I wasn’t capable of doing things myself. From there I unconsciously sought this help from others. I now know this as deferring. I always felt like I had a strong intuition yet always seemed to doubt myself when it counted. This was particularly evident now I was finished university and feeling conflicted in the direction I wanted to take in life. Huh. Were they related? Naturally, as I grew older, I began to take on the role of my parents, Doing things for others. Being helpful. Even though with good intention, I recognize now that the result is always not so.

Earlier that day I was exposed to the consciousness chart, developed by David R Hawkins and suddenly it made sense. I looked down the different lines of the chart and instantly resonated with the primary drive of “I have to help others to survive”, which was below the 200-line on the chart. A massive paradigm shift happened inside of me, accompanied by a wave of relief. Now my mind did not tell a story. My racing heart began to settle. I knew my parents were just doing their best with what they knew at the time. But now, with my new knowledge it was my responsibility to make a conscious choice in how to respond. I could just brush it off and pretend like it didn’t happen, silently work on myself and my emotions. Or I could talk about what I had learned throughout the process with the community. Little did I know, this decision would shape the rest of my experience here.

Surprisingly, the answer seemed simple. At the dinner evening review, the question of – what impacted you today? I began by vulnerably, sharing my embarrassment of what had happened. But – that it led to the realizations about my childhood and my current mental state. I shared my realizations and that now that I see the correlation, I was grateful that this wasn’t the way things were done here. That I wanted to learn how to play a new role. I realized that was my purpose for being here.

While yes, I wanted to learn how to be a guide, to lead horse pack trips in the mountains, it was now much more than that. I was here to learn all the intangible skills it would take to become a lead guide and Lead Mare in my own life – a term here used to describe empowered female leaders. I knew breaking from my old patterns and belief systems would not be easy, but I was committed to working hard at it. For what felt like the first time in my life, I had a purpose. A purpose greater than exams and deadlines, jobs and money, friends and boyfriends. A purpose which was rooted by my own intrinsic motivation to become the best version of myself I could be.

In the first couple of months, I faced many challenges. Most of them were demons in my own head. The people pleasing role came up in a variety of different situations. And this time I was hyper aware of it. I questioned myself a lot. “Am I cut out for this type of life?”. I made a lot of mistakes and was incredibly hard on myself for doing so. I was my own worst critic. Often, I had thoughts of quitting. On my first pack trip as an assistant guide, I recognized I had a choice in the matter. I asked myself – if you mastered all the skills (both tangible and intangible), is this the type of life you would want for yourself? If the answer is no – fair enough. You tried it out and it wasn’t for you. If, the answer is yes, you better get to work. My immediate answer was yes. I knew, that if I was to quit, the only person I would be quitting on was myself. And I would have to live with that decision for the rest of my life. So – I got to work. I became conscious of how the mind craves the comfort zone and growing is uncomfortable as hell. I learned to witness these thoughts without attaching to them. Prior to this I never understood the popular saying “You are not your thoughts”. How is that possible? Of course I am my thoughts who else would they be!

But I now realize that I am not my thoughts. I am my actions. I have the ability to chose how I respond to uncomfortable situations. I can shy away from them, avoid them and stay comfortable in my misery role. Or I can take responsibility for them. Take ownership for my life. For my actions and reactions. To embrace these uncomfortable situations, feelings, emotions. In this moment, I decided I wasn’t going to let my negative thoughts control my life anymore.

Over time, with each challenge, and each trip I began to grow more confident in myself, in my abilities. I came to realize, that every situation out here, in this environment, is a test. A test of my character. A test of your character. And a test of our partnership. Can I trust you with my life? Seems like a big ask – doesn’t it? Before coming here, I wouldn’t even dream of asking someone that. Truth is, I wouldn’t even trust myself. I couldn’t imagine anyone else having that trust in me either. Out here, it’s normal. As every situation in this environment is life and death. Literally. This is the back country, and you are responsible. For yourself, your horses and your guests. And your partner is equally responsible.

I went on to have many tough conversations with my community partners, reflecting on my personal challenges and our challenges as a team. Taking responsibility for our roles to play and making plans for how we were going to take action to improve. With each uncomfortable conversation, we grew closer, and our partnership grew stronger. I’ve been in many work environments where you’re just thrown in the deep end, and you either sink or swim. With limited resources and a lack of support – often, I would swim, but it would exhaust me, and behind closed doors it would break me.

Here, on the other hand, before each job or task, I was set up for success in every way imaginable. Given all the information, tools and mentorship to succeed. No matter how long our days were, or challenging the task was, I always felt the support net from my community partners. After setting me up for success, they would take a step back while keeping an eye on me from a distance, allowing me to figure things out on my own and only intervening if it was really necessary. This was a graduated program, and as I got comfortable in certain tasks, I was on to the next level. What this looked like in reality, was first I was shown a task, then I would do the task with someone being there, then I would do it on my own, and then I would mentor somebody else to do it. This started with simple tasks, from giving the riding orientation, building up to leading a pack trip. With each success, I began to feel empowered. I started to feel capable, and soon realized I was capable beyond my mind’s beliefs.

In 5 short months, I was now a lead guide and even taught a guide school. If you told me at the start of the summer that this was the outcome, honestly, I would have laughed. No way I thought this could be possible. “Empowerment. It’s the most addictive drug known to man kind. Here, we don’t sell Eco tours, campsites and cabin rentals, we sell empowerment”. It’s sitting on the wall in front of me in the office as I write this. After this season I am experiencing a side of myself deep down I felt existed I just had no idea how to access. One where my actions were in alignment with my values. One where I listen to my own intuition. One where I freely speak my mind, share my thoughts, and have confidence in my actions. One where I have the courage to live consciously, where I am creative and take action on my ideas.

It’s important to recognize that while in my eyes, this is an incredible transformation, out here, it’s beautifully normal. When I say it’s normal, I mean, those who also come here and also take responsibility for themselves, receive the same benefits. The same transformation. How is that possible? I found myself asking the same thing. What is it about this place that makes it so special? That brings out the best in people that comes through here? People here always say “Oh, it’s the environment that does all the work!” Hmm, I always thought they meant the physical environment, like nature.

While yes, this has a part to play I believe it’s much more than that. I believe it’s the philosophy that is the driving force of everything that we do here – and more importantly, that we all live by every day. I am proud of myself, for working on myself on a daily basis, to step into this new role, this new life. Staying committed to myself and my purpose. Boy, am I glad that I didn’t listen to that voice in my head telling me to quit. But – I recognize that it wouldn’t have been possible without my community partners holding me accountable, being there to whack me between the eyes when I needed it. To step back and let me figure things out for myself, while never letting me feel alone. For being incredible mentors and role models, walking the talk and showing me a way of life I never knew possible. I have a deep drive in me, to continue to work on myself and contribute towards this environment I have benefited so much from. To empower others, as I have been empowered. With this continuous graduated program, this, is my new purpose. As I now enter the winter season, I am beginning to learn a new role in the office. While I have no doubt it will bring new challenges, I can anticipate the transformation with a willing heart and an open mind.

By Kayliegh O., Ireland