How I invested in myself to become a guide
When I first wanted to come to the Trails to Empowerment community, it was because I had nothing planned for July and I didn’t want to sit in my room all day for the month. It was also because I had just gone through a breakup, and I didn’t want to feel unproductive. I wanted something to distract myself and take my mind off it so I could move on without knowing it. When I first saw my application was approved, I told my friends, and they told me I was running away from my problems, and I saw no issue with that. Running away from my problems was what I had been doing my whole life. But also, since I was 17, I had been on a very steady decline mentally and my spring semester of college I was finally pushed off the cliff. I was doing very erratic things that were desperate calls for validation, and I felt like a shell of a body. I had completely lost my sense of self.
Coming to the ranch I thought I could just distract myself from it all and put that part of my life on pause and deal with it when I come back home. Little did I know I would be facing all my problems head on at the ranch in ways I could never have imagined.
My first week was a challenge because I was struggling to find what my role was. I started with just participating in normal ranch chores, but I quickly came to the realization that I wanted to contribute more. It first started when I sat down with Kevan and Elke and we discussed what I want to get out of this, what are my interests and goals. All I knew was that I wanted to work with the horses.
We soon discovered that my background of being a psychology major and a marketing minor along with being in a sorority gave me unique skills to embark on a journey to put a new perspective on the application questionnaire and begin a marketing plan with Kayleigh. This was my first lesson because I had thought that my sorority lifestyle would set me apart from the rest of the staff but instead what I thought would make me different actually was a strength and added a whole new perspective.
In exchange for helping with the marketing, Kevan proposed the idea that I could do the guide school, and he would help facilitate this. I was beyond excited because I was very intrigued by the guide school and becoming a guide but did not think it would have been worth it since I had such a short time here.
The next week was also a struggle because most of the staff left to go to Nemaiah Valley and it was just me left to continue to figure out my plan. I worked on drafting up a new application questionnaire and began brainstorming ideas about marketing to university students, so I was ready to collaborate with Kayleigh when she returned. I also began guide school. I learned how to saddle and practiced everyday while it was just me.
I balanced these tasks while also doing the ranch chores to keep everything functional. This is when I learned my next lesson that opportunity comes with responsibility taken. This lesson guided me throughout my entire journey at the ranch. This was especially true when we hosted a group of government biologists who were conducting a goat population count by helicopter. I asked the helicopter pilot if I could join him on his fuel run as I had never been in a helicopter before and saw this as an opportunity. I got another opportunity to ride in the helicopter the next day with Kayleigh, Lea and Lars. This was a very memorable moment for me.
I continued through guide school and there was a plan set for me to join as an assistant guide for a pack trip at the end of the month. However, my progress was stunted when I mysteriously got strep throat and had a horrible fever. This was a big wake up call for me because there were many moments where I thought I would have to go home early, and I knew my progress and time here wasn’t finished. It gave me a whole new drive that was fueled by passion and determination to complete what I had set out to do. I thankfully recovered with a visit to Lillooet to get some antibiotics.
The car ride with Kevan to Lillooet was memorable because, even though it was physically painful to talk, I had a very insightful conversation with him where I shared a little bit more about myself and how I saw parts of myself in Charlie’s Lead Like a Lead Mare book. Then I learned about how when you invest in yourself other people will invest in you. I left that conversation with more insight on the kind of person I was and the kind of person I want to be.
I learned how to pack a horse and practiced every day along with saddling with Manon and Paul while Kayleigh was guiding a pack trip. It was very rewarding to tell Kayleigh that I can now pack when she returned, and she was very proud of my success.
I continued to collaborate with her on our university plan and build it up so it will be a success. I also found comfort in that when I was working on it and discussing it, I felt genuine joy and excitement about doing it which confirmed that I was studying the right thing in university, and I have that clear interest lined out for me when I am finished.
The next step in my journey was the pack trip which I had been looking forward to ever since I was told that I could go. The day before I gave the riding orientation to the guest, Kelly, and we set off on the ride with Kayleigh as a lead guide. The next day we woke up early and I saddled Scout and then assisted in packing the pack horses. We set off to Eldorado and that’s when I spent a lot of time reflecting on my journey here and what I have accomplished. You have a lot of time to sit in your thoughts when you are on a horse for 6 hours. I reflected that I had gained empowerment back in myself from taking initiative for revising the application questionnaire, putting up new labels on the map orientation, creating a marketing plan for university students, learning how to pack and saddle a horse, learning how to fix a sprinkler, asking for a helicopter ride, completing guide school and really digesting all the content in it so I felt confident in the wilderness and giving the saddling orientation to Paul and Kelly. All these victories and more had led to this moment right now. Being on the pack trip.
After coming to all these realizations, I was hyperaware of myself. Once we arrived at camp, we went to stake the horses and it was hard work. But instead of focusing on how it was hard work, I was focusing on the fact that I was successfully using the machete to cut down poisonous plants and using the axe to hammer a stake into the ground. Something I would never do in my life at home. The next two nights I challenged myself to sleep outside under the trees to really take my connection with nature to the next level.
I spent the moments on the pack trip practicing gratitude for my place on this earth by learning about different plants and mosses, appreciating the mountains that Scout was taking me through, laughing on our lunch breaks in the meadows and participating in all sorts of conservation actions. The deep connection to nature made me feel like myself again and I gained clarity that I needed to make time to keep myself in nature because it fuels me. I spent the ride back to the ranch understanding that I have made leaps in my personal development and have become self capable. I had gained my sense of self back. I felt that after years of going downhill, I had finally stood up and taken a few steps back up the hill.
On returning to the ranch, I also had the pleasure of getting to have several meetings with Ric Careless, the conservationist who coined the term “Chilcotin Ark” and learned more from him about the area then I ever would have on my own. Now I get to share the knowledge with others.
I want to say thank you to my mentors that helped me on this journey. Kayleigh, Manon and Elke who showed me how things work, answered my questions, collaborated with me and encouraged me on my journey. I want to thank Kevan who invested in me and saw my potential. He pushed me just the right amount to where I was challenged, and he celebrated my successes with me even if they were small. I am leaving here a completely different person than when I arrived, and I am looking forward to where life takes me next.
By Mia, USA
